cultured.....milk?

Definition of a cultured person:

• Dresses impeccably - i wear shorts to shopping malls how?
  
• Watches classical theatre performances like “The Phantom Of the Opera” -i wear shorts to shopping malls how?
• Listens to Beethoven - i do
  
• Reads Shakespeare, - as if u understand
  
• Dines with the right utensils in the right hands, - fork left, knife right
  
• Chews their food with their mouths close, - unless im talking hehe
  
• Don’t overload their plates at a buffet, - no way jose, i paid for it..as long i can stack it high, go for it
  
• Does not slurps loudly when having their soup, - somehow slurrrrp makes the soup tastier
  
• Drinks only vintage wine, -vintage not nice, beer & vodka is the way to go
  
• Talk softly and courteously the whole day long, - thats tiring
  
• Never curses with words like “fuck”, - me only once in a blue moon
  
• Opens the door for the lady, - im a lady, i open my own doors but im flattered if a guy does it
  
• Pulls the chair for the lady, - thats where yr 15% service tax goes to lah..the waiter has to do it
  
• Does not burp in public, - i try not to
  
• Of course does not fart in public also - if its silent, who cares if its smelly, blame other ppl lor
  

I am UNCULTURED, and proud of it