A Martial art journey

I started Taekwondo late, when I was 16. Back then Taekwondo was everything to me. I trained it everyday. I had many friends. My instructor was my everything and I did everything I could to make him proud, which wasn't very often because I wasn't very good at it. I got my black belt 2 years later, yeah Taekwondo black belts are not that difficult to obtain and I assisted to teach in classes. I remembered I didnt even know how to tie a double loop at that time and was already asked to teach a class solo because nobody was available. From 16 to 18, I did a lot of Taekwondo and Taekwondo was the first martial art I sought out the first night I spent on campus when I should be looking for my faculty. But I digress, sometime around when I was 18, I dabbled awhile in karate. I was just fascinated with the forms. My Taekwondo friends made fun of me. But I persisted. In Uni, I competed more under another coach who pushed me far beyond my limits (not in a good way) to the point I tore my ACL. I quit for almost 2 years due to the injury and got fat during this time. After surgery, I dabbled more in refereeing where I made new friends. Those were fun times. I still wasn't good in Taekwondo, I just wasnt built for it and my first instructor made it very clear I had slow twitch muscles, not a good thing in Taekwondo. Add to the fact I hated running, and that I had short legs, everything was against me. 

I was USED for awhile, it seemed that a lot of Taekwondo instructors in my country were USERS. As in they used you under the guise of training you to teach. When the cold hard fact was, they dumped you classes to teach at your own expense, and pocketed the fees for themselves. This went on for a year until I wised up. There was no conscious decision to quit. I just woke up one day and decided to quit training Taekwondo. I still went for refereeing events, even took my international referee license which sparked outrage by some, but thats a story for another time. I dabbled in wushu for awhile where I learned the danger of studying under an instructor who had no clue what he was teaching. That would also be a story for another time. I was a spinning compass since 18 until Kyokushin Karate became my North at around 23-ish going on 24. This would be no fairy tale of a prodigy finding his/her purpose. I didnt miraculously become a champion overnight or became extremely talented at Karate. In fact, it seemed that my seniors never liked me and they would try to knock me out whenever there was a chance. There was no camaderie compared to Taekwondo. It was to each his/her own. Survival of the strongest. I once saw a senior get kicked in the groin and he was left there to crawl to the side. No one came to his aid. When I took my first test, the seniors set me up to fail. But I was young, I was stubborn and I persevered. Obtaining my black belt in Karate took longer than Taekwondo, but I never set out to obtain it in the first place. It was thrust upon me even though I never wanted it.I remembered when I was fresh in Karate, 100 kicks were easy, 100 punches were difficult. Now almost 20 years later, the opposite has become true. 1000 punches are easy, 100 kicks have become difficult. It doesnt mean Karate emphasises more punches than kicks, just that over the course of 20 years, my knees have deteriorated that much.

In this period of 20 years, I've had my own classes, hosted my own tournaments on national and international scale. I set out on this martial art journey with no plan in mind, but I had hoped that my original instructor (the one who set things in motion) would be proud of me. I was so wrong. 30 years later, I realized that the human condition prevails in all forms; yes, even martial art instructors that I once thought was perfect and could do no wrong.

The human condition? I am proud of you and will be with contact with you as long you serve a purpose to me. When that purpose ends, so does my pride and my interest.

How did I find out this bitter truth? I foolishly tried to give him some karate tshirts and other memorabilia I had made for a recent tournament. Naively I thought he would be glad to have them as souvenirs. That even if I was no longer doing Taekwondo, he would be proud of me. Imagine my surprise at his close mindedness. I believe the exact words were: it would not be proper for a Taekwondo instructor to wear a karate tshirt. 

So I became the opposite of what he was. I never labelled my students of not having talent, and that they are stuck in their physical bodies and will never achieve anything beyond what they were born with. I coached fighters based on their physical strengths, not mine. I pushed them beyond their physical limitations, not mine. Because when I teach, it is not about me. It is about the student. 

I made sure my students do not make the same mistakes I did which were never corrected. Beginners have my full support until their lack of enthusiasm or effort dissuade me to focus my attention to other beginners who put in the hours and effort. 

Once, a long time ago, a girl looked forward to Taekwondo classes every weekend 2pm to 3.30pm. At the ending of Sunday classes, she was already anticipating next Saturday's classes. Every movement and exercise excited her. And she performed them to the best of her ability. Today, this woman 26 years later still looks forward to class. She no longer follows, but conducts. Her knees hurt when she walks down the stairs. She has to wear kneepads for seiza so that the bone spurs in her knees will not dig into her joints. Sometimes, the fracture from wrist to elbow still hurts when it's cold. She cannot kick as well as she can when she was 16, but she sure as hell can punch and strike harder. But the most important lesson of all. 

Never live your life trying to earn the approval of others.